Navigating Friendships in Middle School

Navigating Friendships in Middle School

Middle school friendships, a maze of emotions and challenges, can be the ultimate rollercoaster ride for both kids and parents. In this phase, kids transition from elementary school, where friendships seem to fall into their laps, to middle school, where they face the daily trials of "trying out for a team" throughout the day. As they seek acceptance and a place in this shifting landscape, they often choose friends based on familiarity, convenience, and self-interest, struggling with what's best for them in this stage of adolescent egocentrism.

As parents, we have a vital role in guiding our children through these tumultuous friendships. Instead of immediately swooping in to rescue, we should foster open discussions about what it means to be a good friend, emphasizing that being a great person doesn't automatically make one a great friend. We can use real-life situations, experiences, and relevant scriptures to illustrate key friendship qualities:

• 1 Thes. 5:11: "Encourage one another and build each other up." Teach your kids to celebrate others' successes, even when it's challenging. Encouraging and supporting their peers not only reflects their own growth as a friend but also the development of their loving and caring nature.

• Col 3:13: "Bear with each other and forgive one another as the Lord has forgiven you." Disagreements and hurts can strengthen relationships. Your children should learn to move past these hurts and grow the love they share with their friends.

• Prov 17:17: "A friend loves at all times." This verse underscores the steadfast nature of true friendships, where love endures through all circumstances.

But what if your child encounters a friend who continually mistreats them despite their efforts? Again, it is essential to discuss just because someone is not a healthy friend doesn’t mean they are a mean person. Everyone is learning and growing in the social realm. However, your child shouldn't endure continuous mistreatment. To address this, let's explore the concept of friendship circles (see chart below).

It's important for them to grasp that friendships in life are fluid, constantly evolving, and typically fall into one of three categories:

• Situational Friends: These are the friends you share common locations, interests, or activities with, but your connections with them are generally shallow and short-lived. They're there during shared moments but often lack depth, similar to casual acquaintances. Think of the 100 kids in your grade or the 35 kids on your football team.

• Your Group: From your situational friends, you'll select 5-7 friends to form your Group. These friends are the ones with whom you engage in personal events, like birthday parties and sleepovers. While these relationships can bring joy and fun experiences, they may not always fulfill all your needs.

• True Friends: From your group, you'll choose 1-2 friends who are your true heart friends. These are rare and valuable friendships that encourage personal growth, guide you toward wise choices, and share your beliefs. They are the ones who push you to be your best and align with your values and goals.

What's crucial to understand is that these friendship circles are always changing. Friends can move in and out of these circles regularly. Someone from your group might gain your trust over time and become a true heart friend. Conversely, a friend in your group who proves to be untrustworthy or stirs up drama might shift back to being a situational friend. Importantly, we should never completely push a person outside of our circles, as this can lead to unhealthy relationships and animosity.

Middle school friendships are inherently fluid, constantly shifting between these levels, and that's entirely normal. By helping your child understand these dynamics and encouraging them to be a good friend, you equip them to navigate the complex world of middle school friendships with wisdom and grace.